I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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