so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
