I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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