she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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