Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
