they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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