Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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