I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize