i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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