It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
