I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
