Jerry, you need to find god
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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