She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.