Moan for me like Helen Keller
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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