Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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