I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
