question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
