Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
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Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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