i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
