Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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