The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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