the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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