So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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