is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
