He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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