I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
