Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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