He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
