Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
