4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I CAN MOONWALK!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
As shirtless as possible
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
