There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
