I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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