yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
