The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
