For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
