I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
