i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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