I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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