Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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