She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Randomize
