Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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