there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
