I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
