I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
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it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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