So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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