dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
