if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
