He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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