Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
