He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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