I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
