She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize