you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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