SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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