I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
