I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
