Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
