be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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