Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
