We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
