i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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