I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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