my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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