I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
