why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
