This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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