Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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