Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
