Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
