Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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