how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
