i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
