I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
