I think I died a long time ago.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
