Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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