saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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