Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
